Welcome A Board

Mornin', newbie. Another bright spark who took one look at all the problems down there and decided it needed fixing up, am I right?

Thought I was right. You looked the type. You can tell by the eyes, say the people who always say that. Anyway, welcome to the madhouse. The hours are long, the pay's just as weird as the job, and I sure as the Other Side hope you didn't join up for the women, 'cos the Boss don't qualify, Aurora's outta your league, Mork'll kill you if he catches you making eyes at Blue, and if you're dumb enough to lust after Margaret you deserve everything you're gonna get.

Don't go for the men either. JJ's a jackal, Shades is half-fox, Bob's all metal and mostly hardass, Mol and NSD hardly ever leave their armour...and even the normal ones like Red and Thalass'll happily rip you a new one if they catch you staring. If you go downstairs...well, Dave's bad news and Roger's worse. Stick to Speculation, it's healthier. Talk to Luis and Flax, they like newbies and may even have spare time, if all Hell hasn't decided to break for lunch and hold a picnic on Earth with innocents as the party snacks.

So watch the skies, check the latest reports from Speculation, and count your posts. We've got an ugly cow impressionist to fight and an apocalypse to avert in the process, so warm up your gear, remember everything you learned back in those warthreads, and step into a shuttlecraft heading Comicside. If you run into trouble, there's backup. If you get killed, there's RESPAWN. If you get anything else, just write a report on it and file it with the relevant department.

Just don't, whatever you do, say His name out loud. He might hear you, and then you're in a whole new heap of...just don't, okay? It's generally a bad idea.

Oh, and the Goddess is standing behind you. She does things like that. Say hi.